Introducing the new Vikings mascot: The Groundhog
Because the Minnesota Vikings are the Minnesota Vikings, they had a rather messy divorce from their former (un) official mascot, Ragnar. We here at UFFda! Sports actually interview Ragnar back then, but when we migrated our blog over to a more professional site/server, the interview got lost in the shuffle (sorry Library of Congress!).
Since then, the Vikings have still had Viktor the Viking, after they let their creepy dinosaur mascot go extinct (that’s something you expect to see at that replica Noah’s Ark in Kentucky, not at US Bank Stadium (although they do look similar).
The only difference being that more people have prayed to god at the above than the below.
I think that, with the help of the start of free agency, I’ve found a solution for the next great Vikings mascot… One that has been in front of our faces all this time!
As you know, Minnesota has many (nick)names, one of which is ‘The Gopher State’. What is a the cousin of the gopher but the lowly groundhog, the rodent that somehow still dictates the weather at the end of winter and early spring for many.
After the 1993 masterpiece film ‘Groundhog’s Day’ starring Bill Murray, the powers of that rodent have evolved into one that can create perpetual purgatory. For those that haven’t seen the film, essentially Murray’s character ends up stuck in a time loop until he stops being such an angry misanthrope.
What does this mean for the Vikings? Especially coming from the angriest misanthrope in Vikings media?
Well.
The Vikings entered free agency with a limited amount of cap space, albeit more space than many believed. They used that money to re-sign two players from the offense in Rashod Hill and Chad Beebe, and the rest to shore up the defense with players like Patrick Peterson, Dalvin Tomlinson, and Nick Vigil.
There are reports that they’ve got their eyes on guard Forrest Lamp, but it seems like every offensive lineman they’ve been rumored to be in the hunt for ends up signing elsewhere.
People keep saying not to panic as the Vikings have 12 picks in next month’s Draft. Well, first, those picks have been reduced to 11 because of some sort of violation the league slapped on the Vikings.
Beyond that, as we’ve seen in year’s past, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the Vikings will use any of those (top) picks on an offensive guard. In fact, with many expecting Ezra Cleveland to take over for Riley Reiff at left tackle, the Vikings haven’t drafted an interior lineman before the fourth round since Marcus Johnson in the second round of the 2005 Draft.
That wouldn’t be a problem, considering how many teams have found plug and play guards in the fourth-fifth-or even sixth rounds. But as we’ve seen year in and year out, the Vikings aren’t the best at developing the talent they draft for their line.
So here we are again. The Vikings had a little money but it came and it went, and they still need to figure out Danielle Hunter’s situation. That leaves zero realistic opportunity for them to sign someone like Lamp. Should Hunter leave, they’ll spend their first pick on an Edge rusher.
Even if they retain Hunter somehow? They’ll do what they’ve always done, which is prioritize the offensive line dead last. It’s happened time and time again, and was galvanized to this misanthrope last April.
People were telling me to trust the process (for the 50th-time), and that the upcoming super Draft would show that Zimmer and Spielman had learned from their successes and failures from the last few seasons.
The Vikings ended up with a record 15 picks, and while they did draft temporary guard Cleveland, they spent only one of those fifteen picks on a player who had actually played guard in college. That player? Kyle Hinton, who was drafted 15th and was also the second-to-last pick in the entire draft.
Mr. Irrelevant meet the irrelevant position group for the Vikings.
I’m not sure how those of you who continue to defend Zimmer and Spielman, continue to do so. They’ve redone how quarterback contracts work to land Kirk Cousins, yet they’ve done nothing to protect him. In fact? The offensive line has gotten worse each year he’s been behind/under center, yet somehow he’s the problem despite putting up amazing numbers for the Vikings.
As of the writing of this article the Vikings have one solidified player on their line. Brian O’Neill. With Riley Reiff gone and Ezra Cleveland is moving to left tackle. That is his natural position, sure, but he also played for a small school and will be unproven in general but could also struggle additionally since the Vikings worked on breaking his muscle memory to get him to play right guard (a side and position he hadn’t played before).
They have nothing but disappointment and questions at the guard spots, and essentially a gigantic bust at the center spot which is currently helmed by Garrett Bradbury.
With the Vikings signing zero free agent linemen so far, does anyone expect improvement from a unit that went from the 27th-ranked one in 2018/2019 to the 29th-ranked unit in 2020.
Or rather, does anyone expect the sort of investment needed to even begin starting to repair this line? Considering what we’ve seen thus far, the amount of cap space remaining and the (super jacked) elephant in the room that is Danielle Hunter’s deal, etc. Does anyone expect the Vikings to land someone like Lamp?
Or to draft someone like Wyatt Davis? Rashawn Slater?
Or do they expect more of exactly what we’ve seen from Zimmer/Spielman/Kubiak? For whatever continued reason, the Vikings keep doing the exact same thing over and over again and somehow expecting different results.
That’s the definition of something, I just can’t put my finger on it. Because that damn Groundhog bit it off.