One Sentence Rankings: Week 5

 This week in my One Sentence Rankings I decided to take a “funny jabs” approach. Why? Because the Vikings are disappointing, and I needed a laugh. That’s why.

  1. L.A. Rams: If healthy, I’m taking the Rams in Mexico come week 11.
  2. Kansas City Chiefs: Mahomes is human, and this defense is a monstrosity.
  3. Jacksonville Jaguars: No jokes here, the Jags have a shot to shut down Mahomes and Kansas City and make it to the Super Bowl.
  4. Carolina Panthers: I don’t believe in moving teams when they had a bye week.
  5. Chicago Bears: Just as everyone expected, the Bears are the best team in the NFC North and Trubisky is throwing for 6 touchdowns in a game.
  6. New England Patriots: Congrats on blowing out a mediocre Dolphins team.
  7. Philadelphia Eagles: The Eagles may have reloaded with the wrong ammunition in the offseason, because they are misfiring. (Get it?)
  8. Cincinnati Bengals: This defense better get it together before Andy Dalton has to play a playoff game.
  9. Baltimore Ravens: That game they lost in Cincinnati could cost them a home playoff game.
  10. New Orleans Saints: Drew Brees breaking Peyton Manning’s records this season is the only big thing the Saints will do all season with this defense.
  11. Green Bay Packers: You beat the Bills 22-0 and Rodgers is still complaining.
  12. Tennessee Titans: If the Titans get lucky, they might get to play playoff games against the Bengals who can’t win a playoff game, the Jags who can’t beat the Titans, and then get beat by New England in the Championship game.
  13. Minnesota Vikings: Much like Laquon Treadwell, this team keeps on dropping.
  14. Atlanta Falcons: This defense couldn’t stop my hometown high school football team. GO MOHAWKS!
  15. Denver Broncos: Case Keenum missed Thomas BAD on the game-winning drive, and that is why the Vikings let him walk.
  16. Pittsburgh Steelers: They tie the Browns, lose by two possessions to the Ravens, and now you get the Falcons who have one of the better offenses in the league.
  17. L.A. Chargers: The Chargers have 16 away games. Seriously the 49ers fans took over that stadium and no one comes to the other 7 games.
  18. Washington Redskins: I don’t believe in moving teams off their bye, unless the surrounding teams make me.
  19. Miami Dolphins: They finally played someone good.  
  20. Dallas Cowboys: They played someone bad, and Zeke had to have 200+ total yards to win the game close.
  21. Houston Texans: Woo-hoo you beat the Colts because they decided a loss is better than having to say 5-10- AND 1.”
  22. New York Giants: No joke, Eli looks done and should retire and join his brother in the Hall of Fame.
  23. Seattle Seahawks: You barely beat Arizona, AND you may have ended Earl Thomas’ career.
  24. Indianapolis Colts: I agree with the Colts; a loss is better than that dreaded “and 1” at the end of your record.
  25. San Francisco 49ers: At least San Francisco can get a good player in the top 7 of next year’s draft.
  26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The first month of this season was a Shakespearean FitzTagedy.
  27. Detroit Lions: The Vikings vs the Lions for last place in a few weeks and spoiler, the Vikings win the game.
  28. Oakland Raiders: Wow your $100million-dollar coach went 1-3 in his first month.
  29. Cleveland Browns: Baker Baker Turnover Maker.
  30. New York Jets: Darnold is just chunky, healthy Sam Bradford.
  31. Buffalo Bills: Why did you pick the Vikings game to be good?
  32. Arizona Cardinals: Enjoy the Hall of Fame Fitzgerald, you’ve earned it.

With one month of football behind us, I think it is very important to laugh at ourselves as well as other teams. Next week we will get back to normal. SKOL!

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